Saturday, November 29, 2014

In 30 Days of Affections (A Poem from HIM to ME)

I never imagined I'd find someone. I never thought he'd come. 
The first encounter of discovery, Feelings of recognizable intensity, Undeniable stretch of chemistry, First of sight of internal beauty,
Realizing that road leads to woo; Realizing that ride is so anew; Realizing that arms reach to pursue; Realizing that hands open to view;
Waiting and actualizing, I smile. Asking and listening, I pile. Walking and running in a mile; Stopping and guessing in awhile;
In 30 days of affections, I felt your compassion. In 30 days of emotions, I felt your appreciation.
Beginning of the confirmation; The start of a love song; Finding of the realization; The start of a lifelong;
Opened my heart to possibilities; Struck my mind with craziness; touched my soul to curiosities; Embrace my body with restlessness;
You came, I just arrived. I gave, you received it. You kissed, I hugged. I opened, you closed it.

Monday, November 17, 2014

The Story of How We Came To Be

Because I want this time to be immortalized. This may not mean anything to all other people but it means something to me… 

sunset at Siquijor

A Memory

It was a Saturday, 10 days before we were scheduled to leave for Siquijor via Tagbilaran. You were supposed to work that day, but we met at the mall anyway. No sooner had I figured out that you intentionally dodged from work to be with me. Well, part of the reason at least. We talked for a long while but truth be told, I never noticed. With you, it always seems that time is suspended. We talked, we laughed and we wondered how we could be so open to each other when we can’t seem to disclose certain things to our respective friends.

And then we had to part ways – I to my event with another friend and you to home. My friend had to withdraw cash though so we were once again left to ourselves. During that little space in time, we had talked about relationship labels. You had asked me with the courage you could muster and caution in your voice, “If I asked you THE question, what would your answer be?” you asked. I could only look you in the eye and smile. “What are you doing? Are you thinking?” you asked again. You were waiting for an answer but I could give you none at that moment. Once again, you have caught me off guard – in a good way mind you. I was happy. “Are you asking NOW?” finally, I asked you back. After a while, you told me in the negative. You wanted it to be special when you do, you said.

Forward to 11 days later. We left CDO in the eve of the 28th. We arrived at the resort in Siquijor around 2:30 in the afternoon on the 29th. After unpacking, we were just lounging around, lying in bed. You got your playing cards and we played 4 different games, 2 of which you had to teach me first. We had a deal, it was a raise to three type per game. Whoever has three wins first gets to have a truth or dare option that can be used for the duration of the vacation. I ended with 3 wins and you with 1.

I used my first win a bit later.

My First Question

“This keeps coming up in our conversation. Tell me all about your heartaches and heartbreaks.” I asked.

You were silent for a while.  Then, you started your story. I listened hard, intent on learning your life, who you were and what parts made you, YOU.

After that, we went on to discuss about other things. The subject on creating special moments came up. “It might just be the writer in me talking, but those described in movies and in books? Like how the sunlight falls on her face or how the wind blows her hair…those moments were not scripted. It’s special because it just is. Because there were feelings involved.” I distinctly remember me saying. You had agreed. But more than that, it was also that moment that brought you back to the question you posed 11 days prior.

Your Turn

“So, if I ask you now, what is your answer?” you asked.
“Just to be clear, are you using your turn now? Are you asking your question now?” I replied in reference to your single win.

You were hesitant. You didn’t want to use your turn as you explicitly said so. When I told you I couldn’t give an answer because you weren’t really asking, it was only then that you decided to use your turn. But I wanted to hear the question from you. Understandably though, you had just finished telling me your story of heartaches. You had opened up and your fear of rejection had resurfaced.

Truth be told, I had my answer ready long before you asked your question. But I needed you to be sure.

I tried to explain that me not answering was not a form of rejection. I tried to explain that before I give you an answer, I needed you to do something, not for me but for yourself. I tried to explain that I needed you to be sure that you are actually asking the question, that you are sure you want me to be a part of your life. You were talking about ‘what if’s’ and that’s a pretty dangerous question. “It may be a very bad analogy but it’s the only thing I can think of right now. It’s like when you are preparing to cook for dinner and you ask me whether I want veggies. Depending on my answer, your action would vary.” I tried to explain.

But try as I might, the wheels in your head had already started turning. You were thinking about giving up. You thought I was rejecting you. And so you started to open up some more. About your fears. About the depth of your feelings. About the time you figured out I was special to you in more ways than one.

I was in trance. I was in cloud nine. You know that feeling when you look at someone you love – yes, I had already started loving you – and you just can’t get over the kilig but at the same time you just want the other person to stop talking? Well, that was how I felt.

I came out of my reverie when I realized you were really considering giving up. I had to stop you somehow, had to find a way to shut you up. And so I did. I kissed you. In a moment of spontaneity, I leaned in and kissed you.

But you know what? I think I was more surprised. If a person was suddenly kissed, initial reaction would be shock. The kind that leaves you paralyzed for a moment and makes you wonder whether what happened just happened. But with you it was different. You were stunned for the briefest of a millisecond. For you then kissed me back. You put your arm around me and kissed me back. I felt elated. It was like that scene in the movie and that part in the book wherein everything is seen through rose-colored lenses.

I had explained the depth and the intensity to which I feel for you. I told you that I had wanted to say yes but that I needed you to be convinced yourself – that this was what you actually wanted. But you were already thinking about giving up. And if the price I have to pay for waiting you to acknowledge what you want is losing you and you giving up on me, then I’d rather give you my answer right there and then.

And that was how WE came to be. How the I’s became a We.

My Second Turn

Much later that night, after dinner and some strolling around, we finally got back to our room and prepared for sleep.
It was then that a stroke of inspiration touched me. I was ready for my second question.

You didn’t want any more excitement, you said. That it had been a very eventful day and your poor heart can’t take any more surprises. But as stubborn as you were, I was double that. And so I asked you my second question.

“Were you ever jealous of any of the guys I talked to you about?” I asked.

At first you were neutral about it; saying that it was just who I was and it was just how I interact with other people. But later on, it slipped. You had revealed that you were jealous of an officemate of mine. Not in so many words, I might add but the message was loud and clear. You even mentioned that during our Dakak trip a few weeks prior, there were moments that you wanted to kiss me but you had to stop yourself because said office mate was there. You were too cute, I tell you. But we ended that night with my assurance and your trust.

The Third: A Promise

The next 2 days were exciting enough. Full of adventure and happy accidents. But it was during the third and last night in Siquijor, before we were bound for an overnight stay in Cebu with your relatives, that I was ready for my third turn.

It was already an eventful day and you tried getting out of my third and final win.
“It’s not really a question, nor is it exactly a dare. It’s more of a promise.” I told you. It was just then that you asked me what I wanted for my third win.

I looked at you in the eye and you looked into mine. And then I said, “Tell me you love me when you mean it. And ONLY when you meant it.” You nodded your head and said ok.

Now, now. Before I move on, let me explain something first so that I may always remember what made that night extra special. For the past days, since we arrived at the Island of Fire, we had already established sleeping patterns. We would sleep on the opposite ends of the bed intent on getting rested. But somehow, in the middle of the night, we would stir up just enough to look for the other and we would end up sleeping in an embrace. The third night was no different.

But when you reached out for me and I scooted closer to you, there was something more. You had enveloped me in a tight embrace. I felt secured and I felt the intensity of your emotions. You had kissed me on the forehead and then you kissed me on my cheek just beside my ear before whispering those three little words. “I LOVE YOU” you said.

I wasn’t sure whether you knew I was awake. You didn’t see but I smiled a big, big one. It was only after my heart settled that I kissed you back and told you I felt the same.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Dear YOU,

I have always prided myself of my ability to be practical. I am logical and I always have an answer to everything. I am sure and I think outside the box. I am careful to never jump to conclusions lest I find myself jumping into the wrong one, especially when it involves my feelings. 

But YOU! You have thrown me off-balance. I have become an emotional mess. I am starting to realize the depth to which you affect me and that scares me so. 

You invade my thoughts, you invade my waking moment. 
I see you even when I close my eyes. 
I panic at the though of actually meeting up with you. 
All my crazy, spontaneous comebacks and retorts pop like bubbles when you speak with such sincerity. 

You don't just see, you look into my soul. 
You don't just hear, you listen to my heart.
You don't just talk, you speak with honesty, without pretense, without judgement. 

You don't know just how much my heart beats when you do that. Your smile is imprinted on my brain. My knees turn to jelly. The butterflies in my tummy get all stirred up. You reduce me into nothing more but a school girl with a big crush. 

That is how you affect me. And I can only hope that I make you feel the littlest bit like that. 

Your emotional wreck,

Monday, October 6, 2014

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 100

Happiness is...

   ...culmination of my 100 Happy Days Challenge.
   ...23rd Birthday
   ...kiss on the cheek.
   ...him. ^_^

I feel loved. Truly.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 98 and 99

Happiness is...

   ...a weekend adventure. First time at Dapitan. yipey!
   ...hands. ❤_
   ...teddy bear. Meet Tipi! ^_^
Temper's new baby brother: Tipi

   ...surviving the long non-stop trip.
   ...everything in between. ;)
   ...getting to Day 99 and anticipating Day 100.
   ...getting home.

*soOo many photos to choose from, gonna upload one soon*

Friday, October 3, 2014

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 97

Happiness is...

   ...Friday. Nestle creams. haha :D
   ...readying for a weekend trip. Dapitan, here I come. :)

going on a trip

Thursday, October 2, 2014

100 Happy Days Challenge: Day 96

Happiness is... break.
   ...surviving all meetings.
   ...dear old friends. Nice to catch up with friends from way back (high school) who I haven't seen for almost 10 years now. :)

food trip