Because I want this time to be immortalized.
This may not mean anything to all other people but it means something to me…
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| sunset at Siquijor |
A Memory
It
was a Saturday, 10 days before we were scheduled to leave for Siquijor via
Tagbilaran. You were supposed to work that day, but we met at the mall anyway.
No sooner had I figured out that you intentionally dodged from work to be with
me. Well, part of the reason at least. We talked for a long while but truth be
told, I never noticed. With you, it always seems that time is suspended. We
talked, we laughed and we wondered how we could be so open to each other when
we can’t seem to disclose certain things to our respective friends.
And
then we had to part ways – I to my event with another friend and you to home.
My friend had to withdraw cash though so we were once again left to ourselves.
During that little space in time, we had talked about relationship labels. You
had asked me with the courage you could muster and caution in your voice, “If I asked
you THE question, what would your answer be?” you asked. I could only
look you in the eye and smile. “What are you doing? Are you thinking?” you asked
again. You were waiting for an answer but I could give you none at that moment.
Once again, you have caught me off guard – in a good way mind you. I was happy.
“Are you
asking NOW?” finally, I asked you back. After a while, you told me in
the negative. You wanted it to be special when you do, you said.
Forward
to 11 days later. We left CDO in the eve of the 28th. We arrived at
the resort in Siquijor around 2:30 in the afternoon on the 29th.
After unpacking, we were just lounging around, lying in bed. You got your playing
cards and we played 4 different games, 2 of which you had to teach me first. We
had a deal, it was a raise to three type per game. Whoever has three wins first
gets to have a truth or dare option that can be used for the duration of the
vacation. I ended with 3 wins and you with 1.
I
used my first win a bit later.
My First Question
“This keeps
coming up in our conversation. Tell me all about your heartaches and
heartbreaks.” I asked.
You
were silent for a while. Then, you
started your story. I listened hard, intent on learning your life, who you were
and what parts made you, YOU.
After
that, we went on to discuss about other things. The subject on creating special
moments came up. “It might just be the writer in me talking, but those described
in movies and in books? Like how the sunlight falls on her face or how the wind
blows her hair…those moments were not scripted. It’s special because it just
is. Because there were feelings involved.” I distinctly remember me
saying. You had agreed. But more than that, it was also that moment that
brought you back to the question you posed 11 days prior.
Your Turn
“So, if I ask
you now, what is your answer?” you asked.
“Just to be
clear, are you using your turn now? Are you asking your question now?” I
replied in reference to your single win.
You
were hesitant. You didn’t want to use your turn as you explicitly said so. When
I told you I couldn’t give an answer because you weren’t really asking, it was
only then that you decided to use your turn. But I wanted to hear the question
from you. Understandably though, you had just finished telling me your story of
heartaches. You had opened up and your fear of rejection had resurfaced.
Truth
be told, I had my answer ready long before you asked your question. But I
needed you to be sure.
I
tried to explain that me not answering was not a form of rejection. I tried to
explain that before I give you an answer, I needed you to do something, not for
me but for yourself. I tried to explain that I needed you to be sure that you
are actually asking the question, that you are sure you want me to be a part of
your life. You were talking about ‘what if’s’ and that’s a pretty dangerous
question. “It
may be a very bad analogy but it’s the only thing I can think of right now.
It’s like when you are preparing to cook for dinner and you ask me whether I
want veggies. Depending on my answer, your action would vary.” I tried
to explain.
But
try as I might, the wheels in your head had already started turning. You were
thinking about giving up. You thought I was rejecting you. And so you started
to open up some more. About your fears. About the depth of your feelings. About
the time you figured out I was special to you in more ways than one.
I
was in trance. I was in cloud nine. You know that feeling when you look at
someone you love – yes, I had already started loving you – and you just can’t
get over the kilig but at the same
time you just want the other person to stop talking? Well, that was how I felt.
I came
out of my reverie when I realized you were really considering giving up. I had
to stop you somehow, had to find a way to shut you up. And so I did. I kissed
you. In a moment of spontaneity, I leaned in and kissed you.
But
you know what? I think I was more surprised. If a person was suddenly kissed,
initial reaction would be shock. The kind that leaves you paralyzed for a
moment and makes you wonder whether what happened just happened. But with you
it was different. You were stunned for the briefest of a millisecond. For you
then kissed me back. You put your arm around me and kissed me back. I felt
elated. It was like that scene in the movie and that part in the book wherein
everything is seen through rose-colored lenses.
I
had explained the depth and the intensity to which I feel for you. I told you
that I had wanted to say yes but that I needed you to be convinced yourself –
that this was what you actually wanted. But you were already thinking about
giving up. And if the price I have to pay for waiting you to acknowledge what
you want is losing you and you giving up on me, then I’d rather give you my
answer right there and then.
And
that was how WE came to be. How the I’s became a We.
My Second Turn
Much
later that night, after dinner and some strolling around, we finally got back
to our room and prepared for sleep.
It
was then that a stroke of inspiration touched me. I was ready for my second
question.
You
didn’t want any more excitement, you said. That it had been a very eventful day
and your poor heart can’t take any more surprises. But as stubborn as you were,
I was double that. And so I asked you my second question.
“Were you ever
jealous of any of the guys I talked to you about?” I asked.
At
first you were neutral about it; saying that it was just who I was and it was
just how I interact with other people. But later on, it slipped. You had
revealed that you were jealous of an officemate of mine. Not in so many words,
I might add but the message was loud and clear. You even mentioned that during
our Dakak trip a few weeks prior, there were moments that you wanted to kiss me
but you had to stop yourself because said office mate was there. You were too
cute, I tell you. But we ended that night with my assurance and your trust.
The Third: A Promise
The
next 2 days were exciting enough. Full of adventure and happy accidents. But it
was during the third and last night in Siquijor, before we were bound for an
overnight stay in Cebu with your relatives, that I was ready for my third turn.
It
was already an eventful day and you tried getting out of my third and final
win.
“It’s not really a question, nor is it exactly a dare. It’s more of a promise.” I told you. It was just then that you asked me what I wanted for my third win.
“It’s not really a question, nor is it exactly a dare. It’s more of a promise.” I told you. It was just then that you asked me what I wanted for my third win.
I
looked at you in the eye and you looked into mine. And then I said, “Tell me you
love me when you mean it. And ONLY when you meant it.” You nodded your
head and said ok.
Now,
now. Before I move on, let me explain something first so that I may always
remember what made that night extra special. For the past days, since we
arrived at the Island of Fire, we had already established sleeping patterns. We
would sleep on the opposite ends of the bed intent on getting rested. But
somehow, in the middle of the night, we would stir up just enough to look for
the other and we would end up sleeping in an embrace. The third night was no
different.
But
when you reached out for me and I scooted closer to you, there was something
more. You had enveloped me in a tight embrace. I felt secured and I felt the
intensity of your emotions. You had kissed me on the forehead and then you
kissed me on my cheek just beside my ear before whispering those three little
words. “I
LOVE YOU” you said.
I
wasn’t sure whether you knew I was awake. You didn’t see but I smiled a big,
big one. It was only after my heart settled that I kissed you back and told you
I felt the same.
